New Paradigms.

Have you ever had a true paradigm shift? This has likely happen only a few times in your life and it’s an experience you will never forget. It’s as if the whole world seemed to change and everything was different from that day forward. Somehow, you remember this moment like it was yesterday, able to recall details perfectly, because this moment changed your life forever. I’m talking about an event that changes the trajectory of your future. When you look back at your life as a whole, it is these events that serve as pivot points for major transitions in your life.

Evidence will be clear in drastic lifestyle changes. Substantial chunks of your every day will be redirected. Hobbies will be rebranded to fit the new mold or abandoned altogether. New dreams are made, new goals are set, and values are birthed. Painfully, your core friends will change, new relationships will be made, others will be let go. You experience a total life transformation. This is what I mean by paradigm shift. Everything in your world changes. It’s these changes that make us who we are.

I’m not gonna say these are the only three times I have had a true paradigm shift, but I can say for sure these three times were a few of the most powerful transformations I have experienced! When I look back on my life at a fast glance, it is these three turning points when my character really changed. I became a new man each time, with a graduated sense of direction and purpose. These are a few of the most prominent positive pivot points in my life, but do be certain, there are plenty of negative pivot points I can see as well. Today however, I want to look at the highlight reel in my life, to see how these three growth points shaped the man I am today.

The first time this happen was in 1998. This was in my last year of high school down in Southern California. My life up to this point was a total disaster. After being in and out of jail since the age of 13, I just finally had enough. I knew the only chance I had was to get out of Nevada and get a fresh start. No matter how hard I tried, my probation officer wouldn’t let me go. I applied for a transfer, I explained I was destined to fail again in Nevada, and that I had a good job and a great opportunity in California, but I was denied.

So one night, I said screw it and moved to San Diego anyway to try to start over. This was a reckless move, crazy actually, as you will later find out as my story unfolds, this stunt earned me the title of “Felony Fugitive” wanted for absconding probation, a debt I would finally have to pay. But for now, I made it to Cali and I loved it!

Unfortunately, the job I had lined up was about 3 hours of buses, trains, and trollies away from were I was living in North San Diego, so the job I had lined up at the airport was not happening. And of course, my GED was not getting me any jobs either. Basically, I was just a high-school drop out, with a criminal record, and there was only one company willing to take me.

You guessed it, the United States Army. So even though I was against military, and really no fan of government, especially back then, I was about to join the Army because I had no other options. Before we could make it official though, they wanted to get me a real high school diploma. I was totally down with this, I never wanted to drop out, I was forced out, but that’s another story for another time…

So the recruiter got me into this charter school in North San Diego County. He was like, “I know a guy who can get you in.” That guy was a friendly white-haired principle, who ran a special program to help kids graduate who were close, but missed it for some reason or the other. For the first time in a while, someone took a chance on me. Even though I was 19, too old for the program, he decided to give me a shot, and he helped me earn my high school diploma. This is not the event that changed everything, this is just the leading up to it, although this event was monumental in it’s own right. This was the day when I met that kind old principle.

I will never forget the day I met him, tall and handsome, he shook my hand so firmly that I darted him a glance, about to pull my hand back, but then with these big light blue eyes his whole face smiled at me and I knew I was okay. That kind man later became my father-in-law.

See this school did not just have a family feel, it really had a lot of people from the same families working together. As it turns out, the principle who got me into the alternative program the school had, also had a daughter who worked for the school, as a ropes course instructor, and she was gorgeous.

You probably figured it out by now, this girl soon became the love of my life. The first time I saw her, It was pretty much like a fairy tale romance. I had no idea she was the principle’s daughter yet, but when I found this out, it just made her all the more captivating. If this school was my new kingdom, and the principle was the king, then she was the princess. While I was surely no knight in shining armor, we still somehow fell in love.

Two different people from two different worlds, made for each other; it was truly love at first sight. When I first saw her, it was like in those movies when the world just sort of stops… I’m serious! Well it was more like my brain just went into slow-mo and I was lost in her gaze from across the room. She was the most attractive girl I had ever seen. I don’t remember anything before that moment, or after that moment, but I know that moment perfectly as when I found my soul mate. Before I met her I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going, but from that day forth, its all kinda made sense.

Now fast forward about seven years later, and really the time went fast because we had a lot of fun together. Turns out, the old saying is true, “Time flies when your having fun!” We lived pretty wild and crazy, but we did it together and we loved it. Adventurers of the beautiful California scenery by day, and live music lovers by night; we lived it up! Almost seems like we were unstoppable. But this free-spirited, care-free living was about to be radically over-hauled. I was about to have the second major paradigm shift in my life.

On March 14, 2005, my life changed forever… when I became a father. During those short months we had to reinvent ourselves into parents, I had no idea what I was going to do. I never had a father, so I literally had no idea how to become one. Thank God, this kind of paradigm shift in your life comes with a sort of metamorphosis. I went into that hospital a boy and came out a father. It’s like that hospital was an cocoon for my own transformation. You probably think I’m crazy! Unless you have kids, then I’m guessing you get it. When you become a parent your life changes radically!

I spent my entire life concerned with only one person, me. This changed when I found my wife, but honestly, she really took care of me most of the time. This was the first time I was responsible for another person. I had not even mastered taking care of myself? It didn’t matter though because my baby boy was completely perfect in every way. I will never forget the first ride home from the hospital. I was going about 10 under the speed limit the whole time on the freeway, trying to make it safely back to our home. From that day forward, I have had an undying sense of purpose… to provide a good life for my son. That day, I resolved in my heart to put him first no matter what and to be the father to him that I knew I desperately needed.

Now move forward three years, to the next major pivot point in life. This was a monumental point of death, followed by a bonafide rebirth. I became a father when my son was born, but I was not a good father. I had so much unresolved pain from my past that I was drowning out with drugs and alcohol every day to cope. Most of the time, I was just absent. Either blacked out or pilled out or looking to get there fast. It so happens that transformations happen for me in stages. Its not like I did not become a better man when I met my wife, you got to believe me, I did, and over time it will be evident. And the amazing metamorphosis I just told you about when I became a father cannot be discredited. It was huge for me. The thing is, I was that bad. I was so deep into the pits of humanity, I have had a long journey out. It has taken many times of real pruning and trimming away off dead limbs in my life, to allow me to grow into who I am today.

This happen again on April Fool’s Day 2008, when I stopped destroying my life with alcohol and illegal drugs. “My last foolish day!” as I like to joke with half a smile. I had a very powerful moment where God basically called me out for being a hypocrite. I loved my wife and kids so much, but I knew my addiction was crushing them. Now a father of two boys, I really believed it was just a matter of time before I would die if I did not quit. The crazy thing is, I did not just get beat up from God, I was given a chance. It was kind of a submit or run, but no more double life. I could not keep saying I was living for my family when I was killing myself. I was the worst kind of hypocrite.

So in a last attempt in total desperation, I begged God to take away my addiction so I could be there for my family. I promised to tell my story and give my life to help those who suffered like I did if he would somehow just free me from the trap I was in. Then God took away my addiction. There is no other way for me to understand this than as a genuine miracle!

I was addicted one day, and the next day I was not. I have believed in God my entire life, and I accepted the gospel story as truth at age 13, so this is not like my “becoming a Christian story.” This is the day I experienced the power of God in a radical way. Addiction is like an insatiable hunger that drives you mad, stomping out any and all thoughts that get in the way. Now imagine that hunger pain went away and you felt completely full, nourished, and satisfied. This is what happen to me as my craving for alcohol was taken removed completely. All I can say is I am sober to this day over 10 years later, I am alive 10 years later, and I owe all the thanks to God! In a future post, I promise to tell you all about it in detail, but for now, I can tell you this day was a true transformation.

Looking back on my journey of life, I can see many twists and turns, ups and downs, but what stands out is events like these that have lifted me up to new heights. God has always been guiding me and answering my selfish little prayers, and caring for me. It has taken every step to get where I am today. I could have never met my wife if I had not gone to California and back to high school. I would never have become a father if I had not first become a husband because on my own, I was sad and alone, without direction. My wife however, gives me confidence and companionship, and love without limits. Had I not become a father, I don’t know if I would have ever known the pain it took to finally cry out to God to take my addiction. My children provide more daily motivation to make good decisions in this life than anyone or anything else.

Today I have four beautiful boyz! And they were all born perfect and tiny and every time my life improved drastically! It seems every blessing from God includes greater capacity to love and thrive, and my kids have been the strongest example of that for me. I didn’t know how I was going to care for one little baby boy 13 years ago, but God put me in the right circumstances to help me become a good father.

Today, I have an overflow of love and fatherly care not only for my children, but even for others. God has expanded my capacity to genuinely love and care for all kinds of kids now. God taught me how to love by loving me. He used these events and countless others like them, to shape me and mold me and put beautiful people in my life every step to love me, even when I could not love myself.

Now I am learning to expand my love beyond the door of my own home, past the gates of the city, to include all people as I believe God calls us to. Everyone on this planet deserves to be loved, but not everyone knows they are loved. Love is what heals people of their hate, and allows for true change. You cant force the kind of change that people need.

I hope my short story here conveys the heart of God, the power of love, and how my life has been changed over and over again. When good happens in my life, it is never my own doing, it is always done for me, ultimately by God thru beautiful people. When I set out to do something in my own will and strength, it is almost always a total disaster. I am my worst own enemy.

This was not my original idea, I got it out of the book of James 1:17, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” In other words, every good thing that has ever happen in my life, was done for me without my own planning or strength or knowledge. When you begin to really understand this, it will change the way you live because you realize all the energy you are putting in to your own plans and ambitions, may actually be working against what God is doing for you. Rather than living your life in total control of every detail and pushing your own agenda at all costs, learn instead to live responsively.

Allow life to unfold and respond to it, rather than coming at every day with a list of expectations. This mindset leads to contentment, and results in happiness. This is the place you really want to be in order to receive the greatest blessing from God, and to begin to live the abundant life today he has prepared for you. If you instead go at life in your own strength, with your own plan, it is possible and even likely to miss out on what God has for you. Or you can see that this Life is Beautiful and you will come to celebrate the changes as times when God is working on you. This is true happiness.

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